How to make planned sex sexy

The belief that sex is needs to be spontaneous or is better when spontaneous will quite possibly ruin your sex life over time. In the beginning of a relationship sex is often very spontaneous and you both crave each other constantly. But then it typically wanes and goes to every other day, every week, every month to “We haven’t had sex in like forever!”.

And yet, planning for sex is, for most couples, considered wrong. A violation of some sacred unspoken contract that you both entered into when you started your relationship. “You will want me and I will want you and we will have great sex together as a testament to our love”. Either or both of partners often think “If he/she doesn’t spontaneously come to me turned on eager to have sex, then it’s not real desire, it’s manufactured, and I don’t want that.”

But what these partners are missing is the fact that planned sex can be twice as sexy as spontaneous sex. It allows for a long foreplay that starts as soon as the future event is in the calendar, and either or both of you start thinking about how to set it up. What to wear, where to go, what to do, what boundaries to push, etc.

Or, as Esther puts it:

“When you plan for sex, what you’re really doing is affirming your erotic bond. It’s what you did when you were dating. Think of it as prolonged foreplay — from twenty minutes to two days.”

No matter where you are in your relationship and sexual journey together, we truly believe that planned sex can lift your sex life to new heights (or bring it back if that is what you are currently looking for).

But how do you make the planned sex sexy?

Let’s first talk about planned sex versus scheduled sex. Scheduled sex means putting “Saturday nights” in the calendar and marking it for sex, and then not plan it at all. If you do this, then Saturday night will come along, one or both of you will be tired and still wanting to fulfill the obligation and do what you signed up for. As you go to bed, it’s a task to be done, and you do it, and the sex will likely be less than spectacular.

So don’t do that. Avoid scheduled sex and go for planned sex!

Here are our keys to making planned sex sexy:

1. Decide on a day that works well with both of your work schedules but don’t aim for perfect here because then it is just never going to happen. Let the day be 2-7 days in the future.

2. Make sure the planning gets done. Either the man already plans (because it’s easier with testosterone), or the partner with the higher sex drive plans, or just take turns for variety

3. As soon as you have set the day the preparations start. There are the physical preparations such as making sure there is snacks and sexy lingerie available for her the planned night. But the most important piece, and what most forget, is the emotional and mental build up. This can include texting each other about how much you look forward to your night, leaving notes at home. Tell him what you desire and what you long to feel. Tell her what how you look forward to turning her on. Snapping pictures (keep it classy folks), exchanging looks, etc. You know how to do this!

4. When the day comes the preparations intensifies. Start the day with a sexy vibe when you wake up, and let the day continue in that vibe through texts, eye gazes and touch.

5. When you finally have undivided time for each other let all that build move you.

Want some more inspiration? Highly recommend checking out our Date No 12 – 24 hour foreplay ;)