The most important thing if you want to change your relationship

There is one thing and one thing only that is more important than anything else if you want to change your relationship. Honestly, this is the most important thing if you want to change anything - yes, anything. We are about to tell you what it is, but don't be surprised if you get disappointed because it is probably much simpler than you think. Simple but not easy.

You may be frustrated that he never fills the dishwasher before running it, or perhaps you can't stand that she puts her empty water glasses all over the apartment. Maybe it's the way he folds the laundry or that she always claims to be too tired for sex. We've all been there, on both sides of the story. It sucks, and it feels like no matter what you say or do, nothing changes. It all just stays exactly the same; he/she does not change.

Did you ever consider that the solution could be you and not him/her?

"You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it." Albert Einstein

Supposedly, Albert Einstein said, "You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it." Your first thought might be, "But I am not the problem here; he/she is." This is the thing, though - you can never force anyone else to change, but you can change yourself, and you can choose how you react and what you think. If it is an abusive situation, then obviously, the needed change is to get out of there, which also many times means that you need to change your mindset and be brave.

The first step is to accept that you cannot change the other person. Instead, you can change yourself, and the problem you need to solve is how you relate to whatever it is that he/she is doing that causes you to be annoyed/angry/frustrated and release that. One way to do this is through this step-by-step process:

1. Notice what it is that you feel (anger, disappointment, sadness, etc.).

2. Sit with that feeling for a while.

3. Ask the feeling what it is protecting you from.

4. Thank that feeling for the protection it has been giving you.

5. Tell it that you are safe and don't need protection in this situation anymore.

6. Let it go (which can mean that you want to cry it out, punch it out into a pillow, or something else).

7. Sit in stillness for a few moments and let the feeling of being safe fill you up.

Another way to go about this can be to simply catch yourself the next time you are in a specific situation and remind yourself that all you can do is change how you relate and how you react to what is present.

Want more support? Reach out to us (info@get-undressed.com)

Disclaimer: This does of course not apply to abusive situations.